Sentimental on a Friday Night

I'm 24 turning 25 months from now. When I compare myself with some of the 24-year-olds that I know, I feel old in many ways. Sometimes I think, I shouldn't have read that many books. There are 24-year-olds that I know though who are so much wiser than me. I would like to engage them in hushed conversations in a dark corner of coffee shop pondering Life and Love away. That I don't do. There are things you simply just figure out for yourself.


That's what I'm doing now. Figuring things out. Changing. Planning (as if!) Embracing it joyously or sometimes not joyously at all. I'd be lying if I tell you I got this. Far from it, I'm lost. Very, very lost. But strangely happy. I have never felt so alive.


"Happiness is a warm gun," John Lennon said. Amen, sir! What is sadness then? I seriously don't know. All I know is I'm sad. Not depress but sad. Not angry sad. Just sad. Good ole' sadness. I'm happy and sad at the same time. Maybe I'm happy because I'm sad. I used to be like that. I probably still am like that.


There are certain kinds of sadness that you will never outgrow. They come without warning. They come while you're satisfied with everything in your Life. They come and go. You thought you've banished them forever, but they come when you least expect them to.

And it breaks my heart... it breaks my heart.

By principle, I try hard not to cry when things in my life go awry. I always do my best to man up and face it or ignore it and run away(the latter is more common.) Certain books, movies, and loyal stories of animals make me cry though regardless of how well my life is going. Recently, I've realized that losing football matches make me cry too.


I want to have as little drama as possible. To be honest, I complicated my life before forcing myself to feel things when there wasn't really anything at all. Emptiness is a scary feeling, but I'm not going to talk about that.  I don't think I am a sentimentalist; no matter how hard some of my friends wish it to be. Ha! That's why it surprises me that there are a lot of things, after all, that make me cry. 


Last Monday, I burst into tears after reading a Yahoo article about Manchester United losing the title this season. It wasn't a shocker. Manchester City was on top of the table by goal difference already. This was after we lost our 8-point lea, after being beaten for two games, one of which was a loss to City, and drawn one. But I was hoping, and I was trying so hard to believe that we can still win our 20th title. Such was the Manchester United way. We always had a spirit that was unmatched, a spirit worthy of a cheesy Hollywood sports film. If you look at our club's history, you will see the defiance and the will to not go down without a fight. You really can't blame me. A Red will always believe. We lost though. We lost.


It was a victory that would have really been sweet. This season was also one of the more exciting seasons to date since years of following the Premier League. To win it would have been enough to silence critics even for a time. It would have been another chance to silence the 'noisy neighbors.'  


Not this time though. You can't win them all. No one can win it all. Even footballing giants, Barcelona, only won one trophy this year. 


This loss only confirms two things. There is no wonder why football is the world's most popular sport. It's a shame the Philippines is missing out on it (or not! I survived the past days because no one talked about it in the office) Second, once a Red Devil, always a Red Devil except if you're Cristiano Ronaldo or Carlos Tevez.


We will be back next season. 

Glory, Glory, Man United!